Thank You, Abba.
Right now, while I fight with anxiety, I want to express my gratitude for introducing me to another person who has been – is – helping me discover more about who You are.
As You know, the anxiety I am wrestling consists of two of my top three anxieties and has been plaguing me for some time now. See, Lord, even though I know your timing is perfect – Never early, never late, You arrive precisely when You mean to – I still have this nagging feeling that I am quickly running out of time….
When I see people I know moving forward with their lives – their careers expanding, families growing larger, the moments when I can see You, Holy Spirit, at work in their lives – a huge wave of jealousy splashes all over me that makes me think about all the obstacles that kept me from moving forward. And I cannot see how I could ever catch up.
Then the anxiety kicks in – fueled by time running out and envy.
Now, my brain knows better – that my time is in Your hands and that my envy is unnecessary. My brain knows this because You promised in Jeremiah 29:11. God, You said You had a future for me – a future not that will not harm me – a future designed for my benefit. This promise I know. The problem is that I can’t feel that promise. Not being able to feel it makes fighting off anxiety all that much harder.
The person I want to thank You for is Phil. The message he gave recently about how, even after he found out he was going be king of Israel, David went right back to his regular shepherding job. He stayed there – where You wanted him to be – until you told him otherwise. He was humble and trusted You to know what and where was best for him and when.
That part of David’s story made me stop and think hard about how much I really trust You. And I can see that I haven’t been as trusting as I think I have.
And it made me see how un-humble I have been thinking that I know what I need and that I need it right now.
Right now, I need to just stay. Stay – patiently and humbly – and let my trust in You grow stronger. Maybe, the more I trust the more I will feel…
Thank You, Jesus, for helping to keep that promise and trust in front of me as I continue my battle with anxiety. And thank You again for Phil. You made him a incredible writer and speaker and, despite having heard the story many times before, his telling of David has just clicked with me and I am grateful.
Your kindness and grace overwhelm me every time.