HOPE is what I wish to pass on to anyone looking for it. To show them that hope is always there no matter how deep the darkness. I know because I existed in darkness for more than forty years. My darkness was Shame and I have found my way out of it. The Shame was the result of abuse. But, regardless what you call your darkness or where it comes from, there is an out.
That’s the whole point of not only this blog but my book Giving Back the Shame….to reveal to other people that hope is real and how I found it. And to, maybe, help the isolated not feel so alone. Isolation and Hopelessness were the two worst aspects of my shame. The isolation is gone. But sometimes I still feel hopelessness trying to nudge it’s way back in. And there is usually a degree of anxiety attached to that hopelessness. In fact, those two are trying to push there way in right now as I’m writing this. And I know exactly why.
An extraordinary and extremely wise friend of mine has recently pointed out to me that I need to learn how to truly love myself. That all sounds great but how am I to do that when, from the moment I was born, I was taught to not do those things. I learned that to consider my own wants and/or needs – to care about myself – to be human – was just asking for trouble. Painful trouble.
I still fervently wish to help others find hope. And peace. And I know I can do that – right now. I will answer – or find an answer for – any question I can. And listen to all comments.
But I now also know that I have to give myself a break. Because the better I am towards myself the better I can be towards other people. And it’s not that I hate myself – I don’t, anymore – I just need to accept and love me more than I currently do.
And I know the directions to get to that love and acceptance for myself. Some of you may not be thrilled with the directions so if you would like to know more please ask.
Time will reveal if I can push through the anxiety and see how much of a break I am able to give myself…