Jesus, our journey together is at the beginning of a huge step and I am terrified…and excited.  I am really looking forward to the discoveries that are ahead of me.  But I am afraid of interference from my hypervigilance.  For so long I had to anticipate the needs and wants of others and any thought of myself only brought trouble.  I know You know that that was the only way I knew how to survive.  And I know You know that I lived that way for so long that my hypervigilance has become ingrained – autonomous.  It is difficult for me to focus on myself in any positive non-narcissistic way.  When I do it feels like I’m doing something wrong…and that brings on anxiety which brings my efforts to a screeching halt.

I have been trying to not be so hard on myself.  Trying to like me…love me.  I want/ need to see me the way You see me. 

I am weak and need Your guidance to stay in peace – in grace – in love.  

And there is so much more running laps in my brain that I can’t even write it down right now.  But You know.  You know everything that’s going on inside me and I trust You to take me where I need to be – and want to be – in this season of our journey.

I trust Your calmness, Lord, and I pray I am able to stay in there as much as possible.  Please, Jesus, pray for peace for me…pray for the peace I require to become the person you want me to be.  I love You.